heycuddleme:

♥

jonnovstheinternet:

imnotarealfuckingpirate:

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Sainsbury’s. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Sainsbury’s…

Dear Mrs. Harris,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are “documented by our video
surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of Maltesers.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ’ Mission Impossible’ theme.

11. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

12. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

13. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!’

14. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here.’

One of the Staff passed out.

OMFG I AM SCREAMING.

So good

nevver:

John Updike

birdnipple:

bad social habits i have

• mumbling
• not smiling
• trailing off
• crossing my arms
• looking angry even though im not angry
• the fact i cant even socialize
• the fact im me

riseafterfalling:

lonely moon.

teresasandiego:

free—fallin:

(by voldy92)

langleav:

A Lesson by Lang Leav

motionaday:

Nightvision

Monday: Taiyo Yamamoto

I’m in the office and I’m bored. It’s either I work too much too fast or I’m pressured to finish my work quickly leaving me no choice but to surf the internet (thankful), text and basically just be unproductive. However, there are days that I love being busy and work my ass off but today is not that day. So in the hopes of just having SOMETHING to do today (granted I’ve already finished my task this morning), I will blog about the pros and cons of being an intern.

PROS

• It’s cold in the office which is so favorable because it’s hot in our house and I become all sweaty and cranky.
• I get to be independent with how I handle my work load and my environment, albeit tired, but being someone who doesn’t like to be idle, this gives a positive effect on me.
• I get to meet new people and adapt to them.
• I get to wear heels (sometimes) and not be judged ‘cause everyone in Makati is already wearing them.
• Looking forward to lunch breaks ‘cause that’s the time you can meet your friends.
• The cute guys lurking around the avenue. Not to mention the heels women wear (I mean, seriously!)
• The constant praise from your supervisors and colleagues once you did a really good job.
• The appreciation and understanding your supervisor gives you because you just have to balance internship and organization work.
• The constant banters from your colleagues.
• The unlimited (and fast) internet service.
• GMAIL.
• Your own desk and computer.
• Chunky Kitkat after a busy day.
• The bathroom on t he 8th floor.
• Ms Anne’s cute and mellow voice.
• The glass door (I don’t know why, but I really like it.)
• My little journal for all my intern notes and org-related ideas.
• Praise given by the supervisor for your novel idea.
• Brainstorming.
• Weekly breakfast meetings.

CONS

• Waking up at 6:30AM.
• Corporate clothes on a hot summer day.
• Idle time.
• Colleagues’ unwelcome intimidation.
• Meeting rude people in the terminals.
• i-Wars on the weekends.
• Financial troubles.
• Where to have lunch?
• The inferior feeling you have when your corporate clothes aren’t as corporate as the ones you see around.
• Constant fatigue from all the traveling around.
• Sitting in front of the desk for 8 hours straight.
• Balancing organization work and OJT work but in a messed up way.
• Slow day.
• No summer bummer.
• Not being with you.. (LOLJK)